she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
