You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
