I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
