just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
