I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
