getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
