I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
