My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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