I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
