I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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