I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
