Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
