bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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