So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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