She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
