I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
