Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
