Having a random hookup so left but love u
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
