I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
