I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
