OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
