There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
