you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
