I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
