last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
