Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
