took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
