Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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