My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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