You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
