My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
