it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
