I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
