I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this just has baby written all over it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
