A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
