He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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