I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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