he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
