i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
