So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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