Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
