wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
