dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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