Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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