am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
