In the future we'll all be gay
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
