Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
