I puked a lego.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
