she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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