Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
