i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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