just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
