Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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