i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
