the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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