quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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