have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
