I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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