My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I intend to get homeless drunk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
